Jim Gaffigan’s The White Bread Sydney Tour Review

Because work have been kind enough to send me to Sydney for a conference, I decided to fly over early on the Friday night and see Jim Gaffigan’s The White Bread Tour at the Sydney Opera House.

But before that, a bit of back story coming into Sydney. Kathryn and I are planning on going around the world using only 7kg worth of luggage for the entire trip, and so I decided to use this trip as a bit of a trial run. Apart from the bag weighing 8kg, everything was going fine, I was ultra-organised, and had packing cubes for Africa. Turns out that if you’re going for the carry on only thing, you still have to take out laptops and liquids. Somehow the liquids thing completely escaped my mind, and so the security guy and I had a wee chat about that. But because it was Wellington, he was relatively chilled. I imagine in a place like America, that would be considered quite a faux pas, nearly taser worthy.

Turns out I talked a bit on the plane with my work mate. So much so that the guy in front of me kept starring back at me through the seat cushions. He was about 50, white, and gruff looking. I figured he either was trying to tell us to shut up or he had a crush on me. Next time he glanced back I made sure he could see the wedding ring on my finger, just to let him know I was taken.

Landing at Sydney Airport at 5pm, the place was deserted. It felt about as quiet as the Hamilton Airport International Arrivals lounge. My trip for quickly getting through customs and biosecurity is to be honest, and carry nothing. I was carrying medicine which I declared, and because it’s prescription, they don’t even bother looking, and you’ve just skipped a massive line.

Sydney transport has switched to a contactless card like Snapper or Oyster Cards called the Opal Card. It’s awesome, and I recommend anyone visiting get one. The card itself is free, after 8 trips a week you no longer pay for travel, the most you can pay in a week is $60, and all-you-can-eat travel on Sunday is $2.50.

Anyways, back to the comedy. The show was really good, well worth the $60. The warm up act was a young dude talking about how ungrateful we are to our parents, because they always annoy us by calling them and asking how to install Itunes on their phone, when really, all they’ve done for us is given birth to us, and provided for us for the first 20 or 30 or 40 years of our life. That’s a fair call.

And then it was Jim Gaffigan‘s turn. I was sitting next to two 65 year old gentlemen in a very packed play house. One of the guys was gruff, looked like a farmer, and was dragged to this “comedy” show by his family. I imagined he drank Tooheys New and owned a ute. I wasn’t too sure how Jim’s comedy was going to go down with this guy, and it was a bit hit and miss. Jim talked about everyone loving elevators, because they’re magical, and why would anyone ever take the stairs. When you’re in a stairwell and you met the only other person in the stairwell, you always give this knowing glance to the other person that says “I won’t rape you if you won’t rape me” since there really wasn’t a good reason for either person to be on the stairs because elevators. I laughed. Gruff farmer dude folded his arms. There was more comedy, it was good.

Then it was time to grab some food, and hang out in the common lounge of the Railway Square YHA. I was a no friends Nigel for ages. Because I was only drinking water, I spied the only other person drinking water and sat beside her as we were eating dinner. She immediately left. So that was nice. I figured she was Israeli. When it comes to hostel friendliness, Americans and Japanese are at the top. Germans are little wooden. Israelis are as friendly as polar bears.

Turns out that one of my dorm buddies, Nobu, was really good fun. He’s from Japan, studied how to teach Japanese to foreigners, and is a Sushi Chef in Sydney. He mentioned to me he’s here for 3 months and has a car. So he decided to rent a car for 3 months for $2000! I laughed and told him he could have bought a car for that cash. He parks it around the corner of the hostel for only $100 a week.

Anyways, he told me about this Noodle Night Market that was about 30 minutes walk away. Since it was 11pm, we decided to go investigate, though I did tell him I’d be pretty surprised if it was still open. Turns out at 11.30pm it wasn’t open. Then we walked all the way back looking for a bar, and decided to go to the one across the road from the hostel.

Nobu is 35. He looks about 22. In that club it was there I decided I’m getting pretty old for this. My highlights of the night were two women who were dancing next to us, and I told them that my friend was from Japan and couldn’t dance, so if they could show him some moves, and one decided to do the worm on the ground. It was amazing! Mainly because I was wondering, that must be disgusting for her top. The ground is covered with spilt beer. But good on her.

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